


Fragments of Rishi

by InFamousHero



Series: Fragments of The Knight [1]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-25
Updated: 2015-09-25
Packaged: 2018-04-23 08:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4870034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InFamousHero/pseuds/InFamousHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of drabbles focusing on moments between the events on Rishi, as filtered through my interpretation of the Jedi Knight storyline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Scars We Bear

The cantina was her first guess once she realized K’Surda hadn’t left the Cove at all, but that proved inaccurate once she was closer. K’Surda was further into the outskirts, her presence stronger as Lana came to a collection of houses on the far end of town. ‘Strong’ was perhaps the wrong word, _obvious_. She couldn’t pin down exactly what it was but something felt wrong with K’Surda.

When she hadn’t returned when she was meant to, Lana left it a moment before trying to contact her, but when she  _did_  K’Surda didn’t pick up.

_“There’s something I need to take care of. Won’t be long, before sundown at least.”_

Lana eyed the horizon, slowly darkening with the last shades of orange bleeding from the sky, and turned the final corner to her destination. A small, unassuming house that didn’t appear to be locked, either it didn’t have a door or it was broken and one was just as likely as the other.

She glanced around before she walked in, the lighting barely working and providing only dim illumination. There were closed doors either side of her and one at the far end of the room that was open. The room itself seemed to be what served as the living area and as she moved a few steps inwards she heard a familiar voice mutter around the corner.

“I didn’t feel anything…”

Lana frowned and moved until she could see its owner. K’Surda’s tall form was slumped against the wall, her hands limp in her lap as she stared into space like nothing was drawing her focus. Even in the lighting it was obvious she’d been crying, which set an uneasy coil in Lana.

Something about K’Surda had been scratching at the back of her thoughts lately, from the way she looked at people to the colour of her blades, trying to impress upon her that whatever drove K’Surda to her current state wasn’t a simple act of ‘falling.’ She certainly wasn’t an arrogant creature, drunk on the idea of power. But neither did her instincts let it rest at the Jedi having seen something wretched.

“K’Surda,” she spoke gently, trying not to startle.

K’Surda’s eyes fluttered and she turned her head towards Lana, but not fully, and opened her mouth. Nothing came out for a few seconds and she closed it, her eyes still not focusing.

Lana moved closer and knelt, mindful of K’Surda’s space. “K’Surda?”

Those copper eyes flicked towards her, fixating for half a second before they lost their focus and stared through her, drifting away again.

Her frown deepened and she glanced over her shoulder at the small room. There was no sign of a fight but there was  _something_ , like an echo in the Force, a very faint one, having long since left its mark.

K’Surda made a small, contemplative noise and she looked back, offering a more sympathetic face.  K’Surda’s brows drew together. “He said I would remember,” she said quietly, her voice wavering.

A presence, someone K’Surda knew,  _would_  explain the echo, but why this effect?

She kept her voice quiet and steady, watching K’Surda’s eyes. “Remember what?”

K’Surda exhaled with the vaguest attempt at a laugh, her mouth curving in a forced, bitter look. “Why I’m a Jedi,” she muttered. “He said it as if it would work.” Her hands clenched and she hung her head, eyes regaining a little focus. “As if it would- it…” She sighed and relaxed her hands. “It didn’t.” Her voice cracked midway and tears quickly began to run fresh down her cheeks.

Quelling her curiosity for now, Lana reached out and waited for K’Surda to show some sign of rejection, before coaxing her into a hug. K’Surda relaxed into it easily, head buried in her shoulder, and simply shook with quiet sobs. Grief rippled out of her, she felt hopeless, lost andeven angry, but mostly just sad, defeated.

Lana closed her eyes and breathed deep, trying to steady herself even as she reached out through the Force as well. She wanted to be a calming presence, something soothing for K’Surda’s ragged emotions. It was a small feat of luck by itself that she hadn’t been mugged or anything worse staying out here in the state she was in. Being like this after dark? They had to move and K’Surda couldn’t do that yet.

She wanted the rationalization to be enough but part of her couldn’t help fixating on their last conversation. The way K’Surda smiled and how it had warmed her eyes so much, and how she blushed, equal parts surprise and flustered emotions, when her endearing flirtations were not brushed aside as she seemed to expect.

K’Surda had stopped looking at her with wariness, even as she continued to do so whenever she spoke with Theron or Jakkaro.

There was something still so very gentle under the walls K’Surda put up and here she was, feeling every bit like something broken and clumsily glued back together.

No, this wasn’t ‘simple’ at all.

Lana swallowed and kept herself steady until K’Surda was silent, the sharp edges to her emotions growing dull and tired. K’Surda shifted in her grasp and pulled away without resistance, pushing against the wall behind her so she could stand.

Exhaustion made her posture lax and she rubbed at her face, eyes reddened but aware. She still looked lost.

Lana rose, offering a sympathetic smile and her hand. “Shall we return? Some tea might be in order.”

K’Surda blinked slowly and looked at her like she didn’t understand. Her words seemed to register to K’Surda a second later and she shook her head like she was clearing her thoughts. “Tea…” She stalled and cleared her throat. “Tea sounds good,” she murmured, her eyes dropping to the offered hand. She didn’t hesitate to take it and her grip was unsurprisingly gentle.

A light frown passed over K’Surda’s face and she reached back with her free hand, tugging her hood over her head. “Ready,” she said, looking at her in such a way that made Lana feel protective. Those copper eyes were so open and trusting, and as they walked out into a humid night she hoped nothing would change that.

This Jedi had been broken enough.


	2. Slights Unspoken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lana is left with another clue to K’Surda’s peculiar state of being when the Knight catches up on her backlog of datamails.

The morning had been a quiet one, relatively so for Raider’s Cove. A few packs of pirates and other unsavoury types loudly made their way back home from raucous nights on the town, but other than that it was peaceful for a few precious hours.

Theron left for supplies, Jakarro was checking on his ship and K’Surdaspent an hour downing caf while they sorted through information. Most of it was summarily found useless but there were a few helpful bits and pieces they could make something out of.

It wasn’t until K’Surda decided to catch up on her datamails during a break that the calm fractured.

Lana restlessly tapped her thumbs together, hands clasped on the table and staring at the datapad precariously resting on the edge of it. She expected the thing to fall when K’Surda tossed it.

 _“I’m going for a walk.”_  She’d said it as if speaking through her teeth, tugging on her hood and walking stiffly, not even waiting for a response.

 _What_  was going on with this Jedi?

Strictly speaking, it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. Though it may prove to be, if a little extra knowledge helped her understand and keep K’Surda on her feet. She was a troubled woman, finding her in the state she did the other night only proved that and added to her suspicions.

Not to mention the less practical side to her concerns.

Lana sighed through her nose, pushing the thought aside as she got to her feet.

The datapad hadn’t suffered any damage, though K’Surda had momentarily appeared as if she wanted to launch it at the wall, such was the anger in her eyes. It was backed up by her laughter, as forceful and bitter as it was.

There was a message from the Grand Master of the Jedi Order, speaking of the assault on Tython and the loss of a Council member. Old news now, K’Surda wasn’t joking when she said she was terrible at keeping up with correspondence.

It would be easy to assume K’Surda was simply upset at the death but once more her instincts pressed her towards other possibilities.

_‘Every Jedi matters’_

The opening words stuck out to her and she frowned, mentally fiddling with this odd, messy puzzle she’d found in K’Surda.

Compassion and understanding were often self-stated ideals for the Jedi, yet here was one who was clearly relied upon and in contact with the Order, but…

This wasn’t a new development, whatever happened to make K’Surda the way she was presently. So why was she  _still_  like this when she clearly wasn’t a rogue Jedi?

A coil of discomfort gnawed through her, reminding her she’d forgotten to eat before they started sifting through data. Lana sighed and dismissed her curiosity for now, turning to find something to eat.

It was just more to add to the pile of things about K’Surda that didn’t line up correctly because she lacked context.

Perhaps it would become clearer with time, if they were permitted any.


	3. Crystal Clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are many things about K’Surda that puzzle Lana, one of which being the colour of her blades. 
> 
> What exactly is a jedi doing running around with red crystals?

“Can I presume red is your favourite colour?”

She’d turned the words over in her mind, adjusting tone again and again until she was pleased with how it sounded to herself and finally let the question slip when the moment allowed. Thankfully a moment she needn’t wait long for.

The Rishi nightlife echoed into their safe house through the rafters but Theron was the only one asleep. Jakkaro was absent and with K’Surda’s awkward sleep they had an opening to talk when she took to fiddling with her sabres.

For her part, Lana was trying to work through the last of this data Theron had spent the afternoon decrypting. It just so happened that K’Surda was still awake. She was not distracted, it was just convenient.

K’Surda looked up from her fiddling. She quirked a brow, clearly bemused but said nothing in response, just letting an expectant silence settle between them. Lana inclined her head towards the sabres on the table, letting the wrist holding her datapad go lax.

“Oh.” K’Surda glanced at the sabres under her hands, seemingly stuck for words as her lips pressed together and her brow furrowed in a look of baffled frustration. K’Surda opened her mouth but nothing came out for a handful of seconds and she sighed, straightening to look directly at Lana.

She offered a light smile, hoping it would be taken as intended, genuinely. She wasn’t certain how fragile K’Surda’s trust in her was and tried to stay aware of how she might come across. The way K’Surda looked at others reminded her of a wary hound and she quietly hoped K’Surda’s instincts _weren’t_  to bite at the first sign of trouble, whatever that ‘sign’ ended up being.

K’Surda sighed quietly and her eyes drifted back down to her sabres. “It isn’t,” she said quietly, mindful of the SIS agent sleeping nearby. She lightly drummed her fingers on the table and shook her head. “I just never got around to changing them. I had bigger concerns.”

There was a tenseness seeping into her posture and she tried to shift and settle comfortably in her seat, but gave away her unease regardless by rubbing at her neck. Not to mention she held it in about as easily as sieve held water.

But there was no struggling and Lana blinked as she realized K’Surda wasn’t _trying_  to hide it. She really did trust her.

She set her datapad down and linked her hands into a steeple, resting her chin on it. “Indeed?”

Those coppery eyes flicked towards her and K’Surda opened her mouth, frowning in reluctance. She stalled a few seconds and sighed, once more rubbing at her neck. “There was too much on my mind,” she said slowly, looking away. Shame wormed through her and she shifted uncomfortably in her chair. “Feels like it- like its lasted for…” She paused, frown deepening.

K’Surda shook her head again. “Way too long,” she muttered.

Lana offered a sympathetic look, another piece of this messy puzzle clicking into place at the back of her mind. “But not forever,” she said lightly.

K’Surda looked at her directly, some of the intensity to her emotions lessening as if jolted out of place by that. She blinked and it honestly seemed as if no one had ever slipped that concept by her. Another piece that didn’t fit; Lana filed it away for later.

Finally K’Surda cleared her throat and seemed to collect her thoughts. “No,” she murmured. “Not forever.” She blinked slowly and seemed at a loss for several long moments, before she looked down at the hilts again.

Perhaps best not to push any further. Lana let the silence rest between them and moved to pick up her datapad. There was still a little bit of data to work through.

“Grey.”

She looked up to find K’Surda wearing an expression bordering on  _shy_. “Pardon…?”

K’Surda blushed and rubbed at her neck. “My favourite colour is grey,” she nearly mumbled.

She couldn’t help but smile. “Mine is green.”

A mild look of surprise crossed K’Surda’s face but it was quickly overtaken by a shy smile. Much as K’Surda reminded her of a hound, more and more Lana found herself thinking of a puppy.  _Especially_ if K’Surda insisted on smiling like that…


	4. Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the conspiracy exposed and an unheard of alliance moving to face Revan, the team is ready to leave and face the trials ahead.
> 
> But there yet remains an uncertainty to clarify...

“This is quite a mess I’ve made isn’t it? The wicked sith can’t be trusted. Just the sentiment we need right now.”

She was bracing herself, expected some form of hostility now that they were alone and it wouldn’t be a show for the others. K’Surda didn’t seem fond of making a display of herself or personal matters, something Lana was thankful for.

Yet…

There was nothing. Just the same tired and open look to K’Surda’s eyes that made Lana wonder where she’d been.

“You did what you thought was necessary and it worked out in the end,” K’Surda said, half-heartedly shrugging, “I can’t fault you for it. I probably would have done the same thing and I…” She sighed, running a hand to the back of her neck and looking away. “I don’t really have a moral high ground to stand on. I’ve done worse.”

“Truth be told, I expected you to at least show suspicion when Theron was captured.”

“Same logic.” K’Surda looked at her, letting her hand drop. “I thought it but it wasn’t helpful to bring up then and there, we had work to do.”

All it did was tug at her curiosity even more. She stepped closer, watching K’Surda for anything that told her to keep her distance but K’Surda just offered a sad half-smile. “Guess you’ve figured out I’m not much of a Jedi, yeah?”

She eyed K’Surda’s armour and offered a sympathetic look, wanting to reach out but restraining herself for now. “Your choice of gear does give it away, somewhat,” she said gently, mulling over her next words even as she spoke them, “but I certainly don’t see a monster here.”

Again, as if no one had ever said such a thing to her, K’Surda seemed struck by the words. She opened her mouth but didn’t find anything to say, swallowing and looking away with her eyes watering. She hastily wiped her face and looked back at Lana, forcing a grin. “How’d I get to this point? You…” She shook her head. “You’ve been completely unexpected, you know that?”

K’Surda looked down and slowly wrung her hands, brow furrowing as she opened her mouth but failed to find words again, closing it. Lana finally reached out and placed a hand over K’Surda’s, making her pause and look directly at Lana, copper eyes bare in their uncertainty. But she welcomed the touch and turned her hands over to grasp Lana’s, something she couldn’t help but smile at and hopefully ease any nerves in K’Surda.

She lifted her other hand to K’Surda’s cheek and K’Surda turned her head into the touch so easily, her eyes falling half-shut in a much more relaxed look.

It suited her better.

Questions clamoured at the back of her mind but Lana ignored them for now. They weren’t important enough yet.

Brushing her thumb against K’Surda’s cheek, she spoke lowly, trying to keep the emotion in her voice from completely taking over. “I’d say the same to you. I never would have expected to share the moments we have, to foster this…” Despite herself her throat closed and the line of her smile tightened. Lana sighed through her nose and gently pulled them closer together without protest from K’Surda, leaning their brows together. Whatever words she wished to say seemed insufficient.

What was this? What did they think they were doing?

Her own curiosity brought her here, pressed her to keep digging and picking up the puzzle pieces K’Surda dropped with the things she said and did that went against what she was apparently supposed to be. Did K’Surda even _know_  what she was supposed to be? What she  _wanted_  to be?

Lana clamped down before her mind could race, sighing once again. “To foster this connection between us,” she said quietly. “It’s important to me.” She bit down on her tongue and quelled the ‘you’ she wanted to say. “I never want to lose your trust.”

One of K’Surda’s hands drifted to her waist and K’Surda managed a small but genuinely warm smile. “Not sure I can really find the words here,” she murmured.

Lana’s lips curled in amusement. “Perhaps they aren’t needed.” She moved close enough for K’Surda to realize what she intended and was met without hesitation. K’Surda was welcoming and the kiss sweet, simple if not for the level of emotion that came with it like a charge. They leaned into each other automatically, with K’Surda’s arms slipping around her waist while hers went around K’Surda’s shoulders.

A spark of heat settled between them as the seconds passed and Lana broke off before it could worsen, propping her brow against K’Surda’s once more. They did  _need_  to be leaving and there was much to be done with this impromptu truce…

A truce that wouldn’t last forever, her mind was quick to remind her, and one that had been forced by extraordinary circumstances.

What was to happen to this fragile thing they’d fostered? She already knew, of course she did.

Her throat tightened again and she opened her mouth, only for K’Surda to gently hush her. “Later…” The tone put a sting in her eyes and she shut them, smiling, humming in agreement.

Of course, K’Surda would know as well. She was already familiar with bittersweet things.


End file.
